


missing you is a slow burn (every time the earth turns)

by sorryforthedead



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Episode: s04e01 A Girl From Arizona, F/M, Fluff, Post Canon (sort of?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28127643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorryforthedead/pseuds/sorryforthedead
Summary: He couldn’t remember her name. Chidi, the man she loved, the man she shared soft kisses and exchanges of love with just days before, couldn’t remember her name. She’d barely been able to choke it out when he asked, and the way he’d repeated her name over and over again, it had hurt so much. Chidi saying her name had come to be one of her favourite sounds, the way he had laced it with so much love, so much devotion, all carried in the softness of his voice, but hearing it then, with the lack of recognition, none of those regular emotions, it cut like a knife.orTwo times Eleanor wakes up
Relationships: Chidi Anagonye/Eleanor Shellstrop
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	missing you is a slow burn (every time the earth turns)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey cheleanor nation, I am back with a fic that has not left my mind for awhile. I am really happy with how it turned out, so I hope you like it. I hope to post a bunch more cheleanor fics in the coming time, so I hope you like these. This was inspired in part by the song So Far Away by Mary Lambert, so that's something I'd recommend listening to, I think it fits perfectly, for the first bit anyways. 
> 
> The title comes from that song, which along with The Good Place, its characters, and any plotlines mentioned, I do not own!

He couldn’t remember her name. Chidi, the man she loved, the man she shared soft kisses and exchanges of love with just days before, couldn’t remember her name. She’d barely been able to choke it out when he asked, and the way he’d repeated her name over and over again, it had hurt  _ so much. _ Chidi saying her name had come to be one of her favourite sounds, the way he had laced it with so much love, so much devotion, all carried in the softness of his voice, but hearing it then, with the lack of recognition, none of those regular emotions, it cut like a knife. Something that had brought her so much comfort now just sends dread pooling in the depths of her stomach. She does everything she can not to cry right there in front of him, and then again with the rest of the Soul Squad in her office, and for the whole day after that. The tears don’t seem to want to go away, they rest at the edge of her eyes, causing more than a little irritation. Eleanor does her job, she pretends to be the architect, but she struggles. She puts on the brightest, fakest smile she can, but she knows her friends can see right through it. She practically begs them not to say anything. Tahani does of course, but Eleanor knows she cares. It helps a bit. Just a bit.

When everything’s said and done, at least for the day, Eleanor goes home, practically crashing into her bed. The bed that a few days prior had been their bed. The sheets still smell like him, Eleanor can still picture him there, in this house and in the hundreds of reboots before. It  _ hurts.  _ The tears fall, and she buries her head into his pillow. It doesn’t help, not really, it just reminds her that he’s not really here, that he’s out there, in the apartment of his dreams, so fucking happy without the memory of her. She knows she can’t blame him for that, that he doesn’t know he’s missing her, but that very thought cuts deep. It makes it burn that much more. He’s so  _ happy _ not remembering, but the pain lingers deep and constant in her, and it’s only the first damn day. She doesn’t know how she’s gonna survive a whole year.

She lets herself cry, she lets herself sob loud and hard because there’s no one around, and because this has to be one of the hardest things she’s ever experienced. She can’t even act like she doesn’t have reason to be upset, she can’t even pretend to be brave. This  _ sucks. _ It makes her upset, but it also makes her so fucking angry, it’s just not fair. Had she and Chidi not been through enough? Could she not  _ finally _ be happy,  _ finally _ experience love after so fucking long? The universe clearly had it out to get Eleanor and she just wishes they’d let go of their vendetta.

She takes in a deep breath, attempting to steady herself. She knows why she has to do this, she knows how absolutely important this is. Eleanor knows the weight of her mission, she knows that Chidi had given up what he had to ensure their success, and she knows she can’t take that for granted. Maybe the universe did hate her, but she couldn’t let her anger and hurt get in the way. She had to push through, she had to be the best version of herself to make sure this works, for the literal greater good. Of course, the thought crosses her mind that she was always the best version of herself when he was there, but she can’t linger on that now. All this pain, all this torment, having to do everything without him, it was all worth it to save everyone. That’s all she has to say to get her through this. She’ll get through this.

Eleanor falls asleep, letting the day’s utter exhaustion wash over her. It’s peaceful. A break from the weight of the world on her shoulders. She sees him in her dreams, his radiant smile, her name on his tongue, the way it was supposed to be said. 

Waking up, it’s her natural inclination to reach for him, a desire to be close Eleanor had never felt before, but had always  _ needed _ with him. She remembers before her hands even brush cold sheets, and her heart feels empty. She knows she can do this, but she absolutely hates that she has to.

///

She wakes slow, on their first morning in the Good Place, her body having not a single inclination to move more than absolutely necessary. They have all the time in the world after all, right? The sun’s shining in through the small gap in the curtains, lighting the room with a slightly yellow glow, and Eleanor’s certain she’s never felt this content. If she’s being honest, feeling the way she does now, she wonders if she’s ever been content in her life. 

It only gets better though, when her body urges her to shift. She turns in bed, rolling onto her side, and right there, beside her in bed is Chidi. Of course it’s not all that surprising, they’d gone to bed together the night before, so she’d expected him to be there, but something about seeing him here, seeing him like this, makes her heart seize in her chest. She knows she’s never felt quite like this before. 

He’s asleep, but she can tell he’s close to waking, and she wants nothing more than to see him look at her, so she stretches her hand across the bed, reaching for his, intertwining their fingers. “Chidi,” she whispers, squeezing his hand, hoping to will him out of his sleep as softly as possible.

Sure enough, his eyes blink open, and she watches as his eyes meet hers, and awareness crosses across his face. As soon as he sees her, his eyes soften and the smile that glides across his face is her absolute favourite sight in the world. “Good morning,” she says quietly, unable to resist the urge to close the space between them and kiss him.

The kiss is nowhere near perfect, he’s smiling too much, and they both have morning breath, but it makes her head spin and her heart race. She feels almost dizzy, and when she pulls away, she’s certain that her smile is just as big as his. “Eleanor,” he says, like he’s regarding her, and god. 

It sounds perfect. It sounds like all the love in the world, rough with sleep and laced with adoration, it's everything she never knew she needed. She remembers asking Janet, on that day, when he didn’t remember her and she had to face him like it didn’t ache, what the point was, what the answer was to all this? Why did they love when it could hurt that fucking bad? Eleanor knew now. It was him, it was the way he said her name, the love in his eyes, and the soft brush of his lips. It was simply to get the opportunity to wake up beside him. All of the pain, it was so fucking worth it, just for this. Just to be able to look him in the eyes and say, “I love you.”

And it only feels that much better when he says it right back. 

**Author's Note:**

> Always appreciate a kudos and a comment, so feel free to leave those.


End file.
